Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
