Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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