If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
