just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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