the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
worst night to have a conscience
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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