The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
