and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
