I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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