this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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