i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
