The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
