I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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