This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
