I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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