listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize