I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
