counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
