omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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