At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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