I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
