conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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