Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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