You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
