Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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