Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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