Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize