i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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