im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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