I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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