We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
