Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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