we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize