Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
