my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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