Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
