dude i'm inner monologue high
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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