Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
