how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
