Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize