I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
