Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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