apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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