After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize