1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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