Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
