My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
