It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
