So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
