I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love having hate sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
