i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
