Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
