please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
