Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
