I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
