Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
