What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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