I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
