even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
