She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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