my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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