dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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