My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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