omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
