I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
