We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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