And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
