day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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