I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
